


Sayoshigure

by forgotten_silence



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst associated with general tokyo ghoul, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Tokyo Ghoul:Re - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-12-24 22:56:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgotten_silence/pseuds/forgotten_silence
Summary: I won’t be able to ask Nii-chan the meaning of the characters, she thinks dully,I’ll have to get a dictionary (In which Hinami joins Aogiri).





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

>  小夜時雨, [さよしぐれ, sayoshigure] (n) light shower on a night in late autumn and early winter .

 

 

Lately for Hinami, things have been going on much the same way. First her father, then her mother. So it doesn’t come as that much of a surprise to her when nii-chan fails to come back. But when Nishio sempai comes with the news, her heart drops to the pit of her stomach.

(Just because she has thought out the worst outcome, doesn’t mean that she is ready to hear it.)

“That idiot got himself killed,” Nishio-sempai looks grim, “You guys better get out of here before the doves come swooping down.”

“What about the rest?” Asks Banjou-san.

“Dead. They’re burning down Anteiku.”

They don’t have much time to gather their things. Hinami thinks she must still be in shock as she stuffs a couple of clothes into her bag. She puts on her sweater and pulls the hood over her hair, and at the last moment, grabs the book on her bed.

 _I won’t be able to ask Nii-chan the meaning of the characters,_ she thinks dully,  _I’ll have to get a dictionary._

It is drizzling when they make it out of the building. 

 _Sayoshigure_ , she recalls. It is called  _Sayoshigure_.

.

.

. 

They’ve been staying in the 16th ward for a couple of days now.  _It is always going to be like this now,_ Hinami realises. She kicks a pebble on the ground and watches as it rolls into a puddle.  _We won’t be able to stay in one place anymore._ And then–

_I will have to hunt for myself now._

Nii-chan is gone.  _Dead,_ she forces herself to think.  _He is dead._ Hinami has learned by now with certainty that bad things do happen. People die, and when they do, the only way you can deal with it is to force yourself to accept it. Yoshimura-san and everyone else–

Did that mean even Nee-chan was dead?

 _Maybe. Probably._ Hadn’t Nishio-sempai said everyone was dead?

She looks up at the cloudy night sky and wipes at her eyes angrily.

It was high time she grew up.

.

.

.

She finds the card tucked in the pages of the book. It is Nii-chan’s book, the one she’d grabbed when they’d left the 20 th ward (Coincidentally, it was also his favourite book). 

The plastic of the card glints in the afternoon sunlight and Hinami turns it over, contemplating. The writing on the card says  _Takatsuki Sen_ in bold characters. On the other side, there is her fan-mailing address, and under that is the phone number penned in by the Author. 

It is dangerous to call her, and even more so to offer her the story; the chances of being found out are too high. Then again, she knows she can’t keep depending on Banjou-san to provide for her.

She needs the money.

_Would you be interested in my story?_

.

.

.

.

“Hinami-chan, you look so tired,” says Takatsuki Sen. “Are you eating well?”

They are sitting in a little cafe’ in the 13 th ward. Hinami wrings her hands nervously under the table and gives her a hesitant smile.

“Y-yes.” Her stomach growls in reply, and Hinami hopes against hope that it isn’t loud enough for Takatsuki to hear. 

“Well, why don’t we order something else? Maybe a burger and fries for you?” Takatsuki leans forwards to look at the menu taped to the table’s surface and makes a move to wave her hand at the waiter.

“I-I’m on a diet,” squeaks Hinami. She doesn’t think she can handle human food when she is this hungry. Even the smell of the cafe’ is making her a bit nauseous. 

“Well,” a smile stretches across Takatsuki’s face. “So am I.”

.

.

.

They call her Eto, and she is their leader.

(There is no Takatsuki Sen; there never was.)

Hinami doesn’t fit into their ranks. “You will be fine, Hina-chan,” Eto assures her. “We can use someone like you.”

Hinami isn’t so sure. She cannot hunt, she cannot even fight. What use would she be to an organization like Aogiri whose strong suit was offense? They had rank upon rank of S and SS-rated ghouls, and she was but a child.

But there is something about Eto’s smile that makes her think that it would probably be unwise to refuse her offer.

( _Look what they did to nii-chan.)_

Maybe trying to play adult hadn’t been such a wise decision after all.

.

.

.

.

She soon discovers that Aogiri has their own hierarchy.

There is the One-Eyed Owl, and then there are the leaders, all of whom have an SS-ranking from the CCG. Below that are the Squad Leaders, each of which controls a group of ghouls. When a ghoul is first recruited, the squad leaders are responsible for figuring out whether they will be useful for Aogiri’s cause or not. 

If you can prove that you are useful, then you get a place to stay, and you followed the squad leader’s orders and did as you were told.

If you  _can’t_  prove yourself, you were thrown into the lower class of ghouls, and you cleaned and prepared food, or worse, ended up as experiments or food for those who preferred ghoul-meat over human.

(Hinami hopes against hope that her squad-leader finds her useful.)

.

.

.

“What can you even do, besides cower and cry?” Nee-chan’s brother sounds disgusted. “What are you,  _twelve_?” He fires off another round of crystals at her. Hinami squeaks, pulling her arms over her head and rolling away. A shard hits her in the arm, and she flinches as pain shoots up her shoulder. “Mummy and daddy aren’t here to save you now, Hina- _chan_ ,” his voice is mocking as he sneers at her, red eyes glinting madly in the dark. “You have to be useful at  _something_  unless you want to become ghoul food. Well, at least we can use you as food.”

His laughter echos through the empty, underground cellar they’re in.

“I- I c-can hear,” she stutters.

“ _Oh?_  That’s good then, isn’t it? That you can  _hear._ Mummy and daddy must have been so proud of Hina-chan. Can you speak too?”

“That’s not–” she tries again, “I can sense people.” She reaches out with her ears for something to tell him –  _anything_  to tell him –, closing her eyes in concentration.  _Quickly Hinami, search for something._ She has a feeling she wouldn’t be here much longer unless she manages to make some sort of impression on him.

“There are two ghouls coming down the stairs towards where we are. I can- I can sense Eto-san on the second floor. She is with- the man who dresses in white and wears a mask.”  _This isn’t enough Hinami, think._ “There are two-hundred and thirty two ghouls in the building right now. One of them is- one of them is human?”

  _One of them is human? What was that, Hinami?_

She is already prepared for another round of attacks, a snide remark, anything. It takes her by surprise when he says, “Not bad, Hina-chan. Maybe Eto has a point.”

.

.

.

.

Kirishima Ayato is…well, he is definitely not Nee-chan.

Hinami can certainly see the resemblance though, in both looks and mannerisms. In the way he frowns a bit when he is concentrating on a task, or how he swears all the time, snarls at people for the simplest of things. Ayato is more like a roughened up, angrier, nastier version of Nee-chan (except Nee-chan has always been nice to her, and Ayato isn’t).

They might be the same age, but you wouldn’t know it from the way he speaks to her. He calls her Hina-chan, but only in a condescending sort of way that makes her feel like it is more of an insult than anything else, and he belittles her every chance he gets.

Even his compliments are laced with insults. Like, “What’s the use of inheriting such an awesome Kagune if you only use it as an umbrella?” or “With hearing as good as yours, why is your taste in music so shitty?” or “You should just shave your head if you’re going to cut off all that hair.” or “maybe I should be impressed that you actually manage to look  _and_  act like you’re ten.”

But even with all his snide remarks, he is..  _kind_. It is not often that he shows that side of him, but it is inarguable in his actions, no matter how rough his words are. Like when she falls asleep on the couch reading her book, and wakes up with blankets drawn over her, or the times when she is sad and in tears and he keeps the unflattering comments to himself (until she is composed enough to come out of her room), or how there is always food in the freezer so she doesn’t have to hunt.

Just like with his sister, Hinami finds a sense of belonging with Kirishima Ayato.

_This is not so bad after all._

.

.

.

_Are you proud of me mother?_

_._

_._

When Hinami learns that Nee-chan is alive, she is so  _happy_. She almost asks Ayato-kun to take her to see her before she falters, remembering that she is part of Aogiri, the same people who attacked her and kidnapped Nii-chan and tortured him for days on end.

 _They’re not all the same,_ she tells herself.  _It was Yamori who tortured Nii-chan, and he is gone now. Dead._ And then,  _Ayato-kun and Eto-san and everyone else are not like Yamori. They’re just trying to build a better world for ghouls._

But even she knows that only part of this is true. She might only be acting as their ears, but what exactly do they do with the information she provides? What does Ayato do when he isn’t home? What is  _Eto_ truly capable of?

Hinami is ashamed of herself. If nii-chan could see her now, what would he say? If her parents could see her now, what would they think?

_._

_I’m a coward._

.

When she tells Ayato she wants to leave, he outright laughs at her. “What do you think this is, Hinami? Girl scouts? You don’t quit Aogiri. Tell me, Hinami,” he leans towards her across the table. “Is there anyone you care about? Maybe that stupid Aneki of mine?” He takes a look at her expression and smiles. “That’s what I thought. She has a nice little cafe’ now, doesn’t she? You might not care about your life, but don’t even think about leaving if you value her’s.”

“And Hinami,” he says as he gets up from the table with his plates. “Don’t mention this.. crazy idea of yours to anyone else. I maybe lenient, but the others aren’t.”

.

.

.

So Hinami stays with Aogiri, and she becomes useful to them.

It isn’t what she wants, but what is more important, she decides, is that she is surviving. That somewhere out there, Nee-chan is in her coffee shop making coffee, and perhaps, smiling and somewhat content with her life.

Maybe this is what it meant to be a grown-up, sacrificing your own values to protect someone else. It is the same thing her parents had done, the same thing Nii-chan had done.

The same thing, she thinks, that Ayato-kun is doing.

Sometimes, good and evil took a back seat so long as the ones you loved were safe.

After all, you had to do what was necessary.

.

.

.

_Nii-chan, I think I understand you a little better now._

_._


	2. Part ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What, we are recruiting preschoolers now?” he sneers. The girl looks like she is ten, standing in the courtyard with her arms around herself.

“What, we are recruiting preschoolers now?” he sneers. The girl looks like she is ten, standing in the courtyard with her arms around herself.

Eto laughs, perched on the edge of the roof. “Fueguchi Hinami,” she says in that sing-song voice of hers (It makes his skin crawl). “She’s all yours.”

With a sigh, Ayaho jumps from the roof, his Kagune flaring up behind him to support his weight.

The girl lets out a startled yelp when he lands in front of her. She is even dressed like a child, from the yellow hair band in her hair, to the old orange frock trimmed with lace, and the ankle-length socks. She wrings her hands, looking more than a little nervous under his hooded glare.

“Hinami, huh,” he doesn’t smile. It wouldn’t do to be reassuring; to give her a false sense of security. “Follow me.”

.

.

.

The girl (Hinami, he repeats in his head), is tougher than she looks. Or she could be, if she has any idea how to fight. She has an impressive dual Kagune, but doesn’t know how to use it properly.

 _Such a waste,_ he thinks. If he’d had a dual Kagune, he would be unbeatable by now.

Her only redeeming quality is her ability to sense things. That first night when Eto sent him to test her, he’d been told nothing of her ability. He’d attacked her with his Kagune, tried to goad her into fighting back to no avail, and had almost given up when she’d spoken up.

He’d been impressed, to say the least.

She is invaluable in gathering information and all at once, decrypting messages from the CCG becomes all that much easier.

_But she still doesn’t know how to fight._

Well, it turns out that she doesn’t know how to hunt either.

Blood makes her  _squeamish_ , unless it’s neatly packed away like food.

Is it even possible that she is a ghoul?

.

.

.

Because she is his underling, and she is young and doesn’t have a place to stay, he puts her up in his spare room. It is ideal for both of them since her job requires long hours of listening to recorded voices, and this way, she can do it from home.

She is… weird.

Sometimes, she locks herself up in her room and cries for hours on end. Sometimes, she’d be so engrossed in her books that she wouldn’t notice anything until he snapped his fingers in her face (and she is supposed to be a tracker).

Once, he’d come home to find her passed out on the living room couch with a book lying face-down on the carpet, and a pen still clutched in her hands. He’d gotten a blanket from the room, covered her up, and picked up the book from the floor. Only, before he could close it, he’d caught his name written in it.

‘Kirishima-san’ it said, followed by a question mark. She’d striked it out, and below that, there was 'Kirishima-sempai? Ayato-sempai?’ both of which were crossed out, and below that 'Ayato-kun.’ followed by a stick figure with messy hair and a grumpy face.

(Thinking back, that was around that time that she had started to call him 'Ayato-kun.’)

.

.

.

.

She has been here almost a year, and it doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere, so he finally takes it upon himself to teach her how to defend herself.

She is an enthusiastic student, but it shows that athletics aren’t her forte.  _This is going to be difficult_ , thinks Ayato. But the thought of that Kagune (Rinkaku AND Koukaku) going to waste is enough to make him persist.

Everyday, he makes her come down with him to the cellar-like store room downstairs, and together, they go through the motions; basic muscle building exercises, kicks, defense attacks and the like. He isn’t the most patient teacher, and on some days (most days), she is close to tears when they finally give it a rest.

He kind of feels bad about some of his worse remarks when he hears her quietly sobbing from the room next door. (Maybe insulting her parents over and over isn’t the best way to encourage her).

.

.

.

It is with some surprise that he discovers that Hinami works better with positive encouragement than well-meaning insults. He tries his best to be nice and supportive after that.

He tells her how awesome he thinks her Kagune is, that he likes her hair, that he is impressed by her. Ayato is by no means good at complimenting, but he thinks he’s doing okay.

.

.

.

He beams with pride when she manages to make a stand against two ghoul investigators.

 _Maybe she’ll even get a nick name,_ he thinks.  _The Brown Rabbit,_ _or maybe, The hare?_

His that moment is short-lived when she refuses to kill the doves, instead begging him to let them live.

“It’s not right to kill people, Ayato-kun,” she says, tugging his arm. “They are already badly injured. Please, let’s just go.”

 _And we’re back to square one_ , Ayato thinks as he grudgingly allows himself to be dragged away.

.

.

.

.

She turns fifteen a year and a half after she joins. He hadn’t planned on giving her anything, but when he finds her in the kitchen with a lone candle and a cupcake she cannot eat, something in his heart gives a strange tug. 

“It’s my birthday,” she says, smiling. “I’m fifteen today.”

“Funny, didn’t you just turn eleven last year?”

She laughs.

Later that day, Ayato makes a stop at a bookstore on his way home from Eto’s place. He has never been in one, never bought a book and has no idea what to buy.

There are books upon books upon books, and all of them glint at him tauntingly. In the end, he grabs a book he thinks she will like. It is pink with cartoons and looks girly like her. It isn’t strictly the type of book he’s seen her read, but he figures she’d like it ( she seemed to like cute stuff).

“Ayato-kun,” she says when he non-commitaly shoves the bag into her hand. “Did you buy me a present?” He grunts and goes to rummage through the fridge, watching from the corner of his eyes for her reaction. She takes the book out of the bag, flips through it–

–and starts laughing.

“What?” he barks, slamming the fridge door shut and glaring at her.

“Ayato-kun,” she holds up the book so he can see it. “This is a kanji book for children. But thankyou.”

He takes a closer look at it and sure enough, she is right.

“Whatever,” he says, but his red face betrays his embarassment.

He is never going to a bookstore again.

.

.

.

“I want to quit.”

It comes out of nowhere (or maybe it doesn't–  Hinami has been acting weird since she found out about his stupid sister and her precious coffee shop).

“What do you think this is, Hinami? Girl scouts?” he sneers at her. His insides feel like ice. He hopes against hope that she hasn’t told anyone else about her stupid death-wish. “You don’t quit Aogiri. Tell me, Hinami,” He needs to make sure she gets it. “Is there anyone you care about? Maybe that stupid Aneki of mine?” he makes his voice as threatening and cold as he can. “That’s what I thought. She has a nice little cafe’ now, doesn’t she? You might not care about your life, but don’t even think about leaving if you value hers. And Hinami,” he says as he gets up from the table with his plate. “Don’t mention this… crazy idea of yours to anyone else. I maybe lenient, but the others aren’t.”

She doesn’t mention leaving Aogiri after that.

.

.

_With all the intel she has and how useful she is, Eto is never going to let her go._

_._

_._

Sometimes, he wishes she hadn’t proved herself to be so valuable. Maybe then he could have deposited her back on Aneki’s doorstep and left her to the better, cleaner life she deserves.

.

.

_But you don’t always get what you want in life, do you?_

.


	3. Part iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AyaHina, Spoilers for tg:re 31 (this chapter and the screaming Ayato panel) :: 1200~ words

“HINAMI IS STILL INSIDE!”

Ayato is still screaming when they drag him away. He tries to tell them they can’t just leave her there, and when they refuse to listen to the voice of reason, he fights. He fires Kagune crystals at them, a last ditch effort to escape their hold when kicking at them with his legs and swerving his body fail. Even then, the arms restraining him refuse to let go, and just like that, he is pulled away from her, like how the sea drags down a drowning man.

When he comes to, he is sitting down on a hard cement floor, and his arms go behind his back, and around the rod he is leaning against. He can feel cold metal digging into his wrists

They’d knocked him out, those  _bastards._

_Hina._

“LET ME OUT!” he shouts, thrashing against the restraints. He tries to release his Kagune, but there is no tell-tale warmth on his back as his Ukaku fills out around him. Then he realises that his Ukaku is  _not_ unfurling. He tries again, but nothing happens.

 _RC suppresants_ , it dawns on to him with horror.

“YOU BASTARDS! LET ME OUT!”

He screams himself hoarse, and then screams some more, but no one comes. He has to get out of here, he  _has_  to. He has no idea how long it has been, how long he was out for, but every minute he wastes is too long.

_The Reaper._

It was the Reaper who’d taken her. The same one who’d murdered both of his parents. Right now, Hinami would be–

They would torture her first, wouldn’t they? Make her tell them anything she knows about Aogiri. Chop off her fingers one by one. Pull out her teeth–

 _Stop. STOP,_  he tells himself. His stomach churns, and he can feel his last meal rising up his throat.

– her face, scrunched up in pain, her voice screaming for them to stop –

“LET ME GO!” he shouts, thrashing violently against the pole to which he is tied to.

– and then, they would take out her kakuhou and, and–

He screams again, this time, more to dispel his thoughts than anything else, but the images keep flashing across his mind, one after the other, each one more sickening than the previous. His heart feels like it has been dumped in a bucket of ice, thudding painfully in his chest.

He barely recognizes his voice anymore, and he can’t get all the words out, but yet he screams. It is better than to be alone with his thoughts, with his helplessness threatening to consume him.

Hina wasn’t even  _supposed_ to be inside. Then again, Hina has the most unconventional way of doing things. Like how she likes to pick up strays from the road. They’d had no less than five cats in the two years she’d lived in his apartment.

Once, he’d come home to find a human  _child_ resting in her arms. He’d never had infant meat, but it was well-known that they had the most tender and succulent texture.

But he knew Hina; she hadn’t picked up the child for food.

“What are you doing?” he’d asked, and she’d smiled at him prettily and said, “Oh, I found her abandoned in an alley, and she was crying, so–”

“ _So?”_ he’d said incredulously, “That is not a cat, Hinami, that is a human  _baby._ ”

“Yes, but-” she said, “I can take care of her, I promise. I stay at home most of the time anyway. Please, Ayato-kun. She would have become ghoul food if I hadn’t taken her in.”

“ _I’m_  going to eat it if it stays here,” he’d been so angry with her that day, but in the end, he’d caved in and agreed to let her keep the baby for a day before going to deposit it infront of a hospital.

Hina was like that, always kind, always thinking about other people before herself, try as he might to dissuade her.

This time, it wasn’t a baby or a stray animal she’d gone to rescue, but a  _dove._

_And it is going to kill her, if it hasn’t already._

He should have let her leave when she’d asked, should have let her go to his Aneki. Instead, what had he told her? Oh yeah, he’d chided her for even  _thinking_ of leaving Aogiri, too scared of what Eto might do to her if she left.

_A whole load of good it did her._

At least if he’d let her leave, she would have been protected. Aneki would have made sure she was safe.

Ayato lets out a strangled laugh, narrowing his eyes against the burning sensation building up behind his lids. The last thing he needs is to break down and cry, like some helpless, small child. He screams again, for good measure.

It is hours- or perhaps days or weeks, before he hears the sound of a door creaking open, and finally, footsteps.

“Untie me now!” he orders in a rasp as a pair of bandaged feet comes to view, and then, Eto comes to a stop in front of him.

“Ayato-kun! How are you feeling?” Eto braces her hands against her knees and leans down so that her face is level with his.

“Let me go, you little bitch,” Ayato rasps through gritted teeth.

“No,” she says lightly, plopping down on the ground. “If I do that, you will rush to the CCG and get yourself killed.”

“THEN WHY – DID – YOU – GIVE – ME – RC – SUPPRESSANTS?” Ayato roars, furious. He lunges at Eto, but the chains around his waist dig into his stomach painfully, holding him back.

“ _Because_ you will rush into the CCG and get yourself killed,” Eto’s calm voice infuriates him even more.

“Hinami is in there.  _I need to save her_.”

“Yes, and we are working out a plan to get her back, Ayato-kun.”

“THEN I NEED TO BE WORKING ON THE PLAN!”

“Ayato-kun,” Eto sighs, “You’re too emotionally involved to think rationally right now. If I let you go, you wouldn’t wait for our plan.”

“I AM NOT – EMOTIONALLY – INVOLVED,” even as the words leave his mouth, he knows it is not true.

“You’re screaming at me,” says Eto. “I think that speaks enough. I can’t let you come with us because you’re not going to listen to anything I say,” she pauses, cocking her head to the side, “Ayato-kun, do you think she even  _wants_  to come back?”

That catches him off-gaurd. “Hina- I, the reaper-  _what?_ ” Ayato sputters.

“Takizawa tells me she went and rescued a dove. She knows who Haise Sasaki is, Ayato-kun, and don’t worry, I think she will be quite safe at the CCG. If I remember correctly, Sasaki vouched for her,” her mouth stretches into a smile beneath her bandages, “Maybe we will have to bring her back a prisoner. Maybe we’ll even have to  _encourage_  her to help us. What will you do then, Ayato-kun?”

Ayato feels cold all over again as her implications sink in. If he had been scared for her before, now he is terrified.

“Didn’t I tell you not to get too involved with your feelings, A-ya-to?” Eto’s says in a sing-song voice as she gets up. “Don’t worry though, because we will get her back. I’ll make sure of it.”

_If only I’d let her leave when she wanted to._

Ayato shuts his eyes, and this time, crying like a child is the last thing he is thinking of as the tears escape his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> (Re-uploading this again)


End file.
